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Trinity
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I wanted to move past this talk of ancestry though. It was fun to think about, and I didn't know how to answer whether we were going to have more kids or not, but that wasn't the reason we were here anyway. So I just wanted to move on.
"W..well, Athair mòr, Aunt Glory, I wanted to ask you something. Something away from the other so that I don't sound like I am doing something wrong." Oh, yeah, like that didn't make me sound like an incompetent fool right then and there. What the hell was the matter with me? I didn't know what to do right now. Ugh!
"What is going on, Gariníon? [1] What can we help you with?" Athair mòr looked as honest, loving, and helpful as he always did.
"You can tell us and ask us anything, Trinity. You know that." Aunt Glory added as she looked at me.
At that moment, Roisin and Abigail brought the food in for us so I waited to say anything. Once our plates were in front of us, I asked that the room be cleared.
"Everyone, except for Gloriana and Valerian, please leave. I would like a closed meeting." That raised a few eyebrows at me, but I didn't care. I knew that I never asked for closed meetings, but I didn't want my people to know what it was that I was truly feeling. I wanted this kept a secret for the time being.
Once the room was emptied, Aunt Glory and Athair mòr looked at me with serious and critical eyes.
"What is going on, Gariníon? This isn't like you."
"I know, Athair mòr. It's not like anything that I thought I would be doing. But I never thought that I would ask this as well." I sighed and looked at them, feeling my heart pounding. "I need you to help me. I feel like I am not doing something right. I feel as if my kingdom is going to suffer if I don't fix this." I looked at them with serious eyes and I could feel my heart pounding a mile a minute.
"Is that all?" Aunt Glory's voice held a note of relief. "Trinity, you had me so worried." She was almost laughing now. Was it that obvious?
" Gariníon, there is no need to worry. Glory and I have both felt like that several times over the last couple dozen centuries and more. It's normal."
"It is?" I tilted my head in confusion at Athair mòr's words.
"Yes, it is. I mean, you're still learning everything for one, so that is to be expected. But, you hold the fate of so many people in your hands that it's understandable that you would get nervous about it from time to time." He smiled and reached up to squeeze me on the shoulder for comfort and support. "Don't let this get to you."
"But wouldn't it be bad if I showed how weak and incompetent that I am to everyone else?" I could still feel the pain and the worry surging within me.
"You're not weak or incompetent, Trinity." Aunt Glory snapped at me a little. Her voice was firm and stern. "You're learning, that is all. I would like to see anyone that would call you weak or incompetent to do your job. Let's see just how fast they would end up running for the hills. You're a good Queen, Trinity, you really are. You just need to accept that."
"I hope so." I shrugged to myself, not bothering to hide how little confidence I had in that statement.
I tried to brush it off, though. Instead of saying anything more, I took a bite of my food. It was a specialized Fae dish that I asked to have made in honor of my two guests today. I knew that it was Aunt Glory's favorite and that Athair mòr liked it as well. I was doing my best to cater to them and make sure that they had a good time during this lunch, even if I was too messed up to even taste the food right now. I'm sorry, Roisin, you and Abigail worked so hard on this meal, and I can't even appreciate it properly. I truly am the worst.
Athair mòr and Aunt Glory didn't let it slide though. They kept pushing me until I agreed to their suggestion. They were doing this for me and my future, so I didn't really mind.
We came to the conclusion that I was going to 'assign' different tasks to different people, even if I had to hire them to make sure that it all got done properly. I was to have an entire entourage of staff that could handle different aspects of my kingdom.
Obviously, my entourage had to be people that I could trust, so that meant that I needed Gabriel and Vincent to help me with that part. Here I was giving them more work to do. I hated making people do more than they had to do when they were already so busy. It made me feel like a bad friend. Even though I was the person in charge and I needed to do it, it still made me feel horrible.
I listened to all of their suggestions, and I was certain that they were right about them all. I just needed to not try and do it all by myself. I seem to remember a time when I did let other people do things in the business aspect of the kingdom, but then I saw how many mistakes I had made and everything that I needed to fix.
Now that they were all fixed, now that everything was better, would I really be able to hand off some of the responsibility again? Would it really be OK? I guess I could try. That was the only thing that I could do. I needed to do something to save myself. Though, I was sure that the process would be slow and I wasn't going to be handing the jobs over immediately. I still had time.
[1] Gariníon is an Irish word that means granddaughter.
It is pronounced gar - in - EE – on
