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Trinity
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Over the course of the next three weeks, I was able to work with Vincent and Gabriel to find myself half a dozen qualified and trustworthy individuals that we could delegate work to. My plan with it all was for me to give each of them work that went into a specified field. I needed someone to help with the financial side of things, not to mention the information gathering, the law, the education, interspecies relationships, and lastly monitoring of the human information network. We needed to make sure that everywhere was covered and the information was gathered and organized properly.
The six people that I was bringing on for these jobs included some people that I have already gotten close to. There was Landon's mate Ava, as well as Nadeen and Kayda who were both council members. There was a new face among the group as well. There was a man by the name of Jason who was a bird shifter, though I don't know which breed. And adding to the familiar faces, but much closer to my inner circle, were Rawlynne and Jackson (Rawlynne was, of course, also a council member). They were being brought on for the law and human information network sectors of my plan. They were also some of the people that I had blessed all those years ago and I already knew that I could trust them.
Apparently, both Rawlynne and Jackson were willing to give up their position in the FBI to come work directly for me. I think with the way things have changed over the years and how their families have grown, they don't want to be away from their homes as much. That was fine with me, I was happy to take them on full time and pay them a competitive wage. Though I was also told that my competitive wage was way higher than they expected and that I needed to stop letting Reece's billions influence me. I didn't think that it was that much, but OK.
I was doing my best to let go of the reins and let other people help me with my work. That was hard though, so very hard. Even now, while the new 'trainees' were learning their new responsibilities and all that, I was sitting here in my office basically bouncing my head off of my desk with nothing to do.
I had prepared the files and folders filled with information that they needed to know about their jobs. I had gotten the lists of their duties and expectations ready. I had made sure that everything was going exactly how I wanted it to. The only problem now was that I couldn't be the one to tell them what to do for me.
No, Reece, Vincent, and Gabriel had taken that job away from me and told me to just wait here.
'They're going to die.' That voice was back again. It had gone away for a couple days just like it had before, but now, whenever I was feeling like I wasn't doing enough work, the voice came back. That's why I was both happy and worried about getting these people to start their jobs. If they did their jobs and I didn't have to worry maybe the voice would go away completely. Then again, maybe letting them work for me would backfire and I would end up feeling so miserable that I was left as nothing more than a blubbering fool when my sanity completely abandons me.
'All of your people are going to die, and all of it will be your fault.' Over the last few weeks, since Aunt Glory and the others had left, the voice had stopped being nothing but a faint whisper. Now, even though it was still just a whisper, it was loud enough and clear enough for me to understand everything that it said.
'You're ruining it all. They will die in a fiery mass destruction, and it will all be your fault. You should run away. You should leave them be and flee before they blame you. You're a murderer. You're a killer. You're going to destroy them all.'
I tried all the time to pretend that the voice wasn't there at all. I tried to pretend that I didn't hear it or that I was above its influence. The truth of the matter though, was that I was literally going insane because of it.
I felt like my hair was thinning and I was sleeping less and less. I wasn't eating as much, and I know that I was losing weight. Reece had asked me several times now if I was sick or if I needed to see Griffin and Lana.
No, I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to burden them. I didn't want to make them check me out when there was nothing physically wrong with me. My only problem was psychological. I was going crazy, that was all.
That was another reason that I wanted competent people to work for me. What would happen if I lost it all completely? I would have to leave Reece in charge, but he would need help. He would need a group of people that were capable of running things in my stead. But was this going to work? Would they be able to manage the whole kingdom if I couldn't stop myself from going crazy completely?
Dammit! I certainly hoped that they were. I didn't want to worry about something else. I didn't want to second guess another of my decisions or to hear a new voice start assaulting my ears.
Speaking of that voice, it was back once again.
'Run away, Trinity, run away and save yourself. If you stay, all of your people will die. All of them. Over half the world's population will die from a mass attack that is caused by you. You will kill them. You will destroy them. Can you live with that?'
"No, mystery voice, I can't." I sighed to the empty room around me. "No, I can't live with that. That is why I am hoping you are nothing more than my fear that I am messing up and not an actual threat to my people. I need to do what I can to help them all. I need to do what I can to make sure that no one ever suffers because I am not the queen that they deserve."
I was letting some of my fears out for the first time. These are fears that I have been harboring since the first day that I found out that I was going to be the 'queen' of all the shifters. These fears date back all the way to when I was nothing more than a Goddess Incarnate.
Oh, look at how time had flown by. I can't believe that in just a little over eight years since that time I am now someone who is completely unrecognizable. If the Trinity that actually married Reece was standing here, she wouldn't even know who I was. And if I could see myself from back then, I would warn her to think twice before making any of her decisions. It's best to be sure so that you didn't inadvertently cause a massive political issue.
"Hahh." I sighed as I pressed my head against my desk. I truly do hope that none of this ever gets out. I didn't need people to know that I was actually crazy.
No, my personal issues could never see the light of day. I needed to hide this from them all.. I needed to put on a happy face and make them all think that I was doing just fine.
